Ooooh ... what's that supposed to mean, right?  WARNING:  Vent about to erupt.  LOL!  Sorry - something happened yesterday that made me want to really get this out.  Hmmm ... I wouldn't know where to start.  Basically, I've been depressed this last month.  I try my best to hide it - I don't want to dampen anyone's mood or the moment.  It's not very hard for me to put a smile on my face despite what I may be feeling inside.  But when I'm in this kind of mood, I try not to socialize at all.  I know, I know ... not the best thing to shut myself away, but sometimes all I need is time alone to ... I guess, get my bearings.  Rather that than raise concerns if I can't be myself around others. 

You're probably wondering ... "What's going on??"  It has to do with things happening at work.  Mainly my coworkers.  I guess ... the people I thought were friends were really not.  It's a long story but what it comes down to is two of them haven't been speaking to me.  Wouldn't be so hard if it weren't for the fact that my classroom is between theirs.  To make matter worse, they're so obvious in their actions that I end up getting insulted - evidently, they do not think I'm bright enough to know what they're doing (The whole getting quiet when I enter a room - geez, does that really work for some people?  The list could go on from there, believe it or not).  I've just finally gotten over feeling like things are my fault and realized that this whole mess isn't.  Just a result of opinions being thrown around about a situation I was put in (because of them, I'd like to add!!) and as a result, people started putting words in my mouth and now I'm suffering the repercussions.  Charming, don't you think?  I'm not even going to get into the people who thought they were helping but ended up making the situation worse.  Anyway, chalk this up as a lesson learned.  This, coupled with an unfair request of my principal (thinking about still upsets me) has really made my month quite shoddy.  She wants me to handle end-of-year clearance for a teacher who won't be coming in for the rest of the year on top of my own responsibilities - oh I'm not even going to get into that ...  But as Sheila says, "CHIN UP!" 

Anyway, like I said, I haven't been up to socializing.  Of course, it's nothing personal against my friends.  Just don't feel like partying either.  So I've been madly declining and avoiding invites.  Yeah, I'd rather brood - LOL!  But yesterday, an hour shy before midnight, I got a call from Sheila and the girls.  My cel had been dead the whole day and I hadn't bothered turning it on.  There I go, avoiding calls again ... Well, the girls (and Joe!) were out and I had resigned myself to staying home.  They were worried - guess it wasn't like me to be pushing everyone away like that and they wanted me to come out and have fun.  When I finally met up, I was given the most awesome welcome (probably because they were tipsy - LMAO!!).  But it was in that moment that I realized that I should just forget about my worries at work because even if things won't always be the way I want them to be, I have real, pure-as-gold-friends that I can rely on and that will never give up on me (I hope!).  I felt very guilty for worrying them (sorry again, Ei!!) and to top it off, Gayle and fam is on Guam for a week and because I had opted not to turn on my cel, I missed all her calls today!  Could've gone to see the kiddies!!

Suffice to say Reggie wasn't happy about me leaving at such a late hour.  Didn't want me driving out so late at night.  When I left, he didn't even "Bye" or walk me to the door!  But I knew he was upset from concern.  When he called at one point to see if I was okay, I was glad I was on my way home - he was still up!  I think his concern was doubled last night because we were watching a re-run of CSI (the most awesome crime drama ever - if you haven't already gotten into it, I suggest you do!!) where a girl was being stalked and eventually was sexually assaulted.  My assurances that I would be all right didn't fly with Reg probably because of that.  Awww!  It's 2 p.m. and he's still asleep - ooh!  Talk about long life!  He's up!  Gotta go - he's been begging for continental breakfast.  I aim to please!  TTFN!